1-10-12 Breakfast Club

[It's Da Bread]

MikeFrancesaNY Mike Francesa



He is NOT da fawthah?!?!? COME ON NOW, WAITASECOND #MAURY! ATROCIOUS! #DuppSickDay #CatchinDuppOnTiVo



MikeFrancesaNY Mike Francesa



Chelsea Handlah is Chelsea Handlah except on da Chelsea show when Chelsea is Chelsea's sistah. ATROCIOUS! #DuppSickDay #CatchinDuppOnTiVo

[Sports Pope]

Some of you newcomers missed ACQ's earlier stuff from the old board. It's a damned shame that stuff has disappeared into the ether.

And speaking of ether, his "Ether Rag" conversation is my all time favorite. I wish I had that.

[Sports Pope]

Holy shit, I found it. ACQ classic here...

"Give Mike credit, he's been on the GHB theme, I've been down on it, more into the internet porn fantasy scenario and going to some topless bars with Dennis from Yonkers and his white windowless van in the mix."

"Dog, Dog, we all know that Roofies are a good drug, not a great drug but a good drug. The ether, growing up the ether, when we were kids, the ether was the rage. Ether rag this, ether rag that, and I don't care where you went, I don't care where you went. You could have went here, and you could have went..............anywhere, and it was there, a Mickey Mantle card and an ether rag. And today, you know, these younger guys...."

"A CAAA-lin, a Malusisus...."

"Exactly, they get their hands on GHB and when they get some GHB, they say look, we have GHB, the GHB is in our hands, and we've got this GHB, and now we need to take the next step. The next step needs to be taken and we're going to take this next step with the GHB. GHB in hand, Got their hands on GHB, and next thing you know, no women.

"Tough spot"

"No women, GHB, and they have this GHB and they have this, that and the other, and this idea that, well we have GHB, we're set, and they just don't get it."

"No sense of history, my god. You'd be getting your rag ready for a fridaee night out and you'd be flying. Its hard to get Carlin off the ground though, and Mooses' don't fly, say something funny Mike...."

"Air Continent is grounded"

"Bwahahahaha, Mike, (horse choke laugh). Moose wouldn't know an ether rag from his *****. And to the average working slob, wife, four kids with a tennis match to make, he can't be into the whole scenario of getting a rag, My god, it'll make ya CRAZYYYYY"

"So thats the young mans game, listen, I understand from the young mans view, the younger mans perspective, the young guy coming up, he thinks, the GHB, give me the ghb, let me get some ghb and I'll put this ghb to work and next thing you know, who knows where you are.

"Mike lets face it, they stink. Johnsonville Italian Sausages has the flash...."

[It's Da Bread]

Originally Posted by Sports Pope

Holy shit, I found it. ACQ classic here...

that is great

[Sports Pope]

More classic ACQ. The Lunar eclipse scenario...

There's nothin on TV tonight it'll make you nuts, I caught a little of the Taking of Pellham 1-2-3, great little movie, but looking over tonights schedule, I'll be into the Shaq-Kobe dynamic,

A little history on the horizon too Dog, talking to Barnicale, and we're into the Big Luna eclipse tonight Dog, Big one, not a little one, a big one.

Mikey, how about that, thats a good job outta you! I did not know that about the moon, gives you a little feel for some juice vis a vie in respective regard to the Moon scenario?

Dog, everybody knows, its no big secret, I've been on the moon theme for quite a while, Bill actually turned me on to it, and now the Moon and I both go to the same tailor.

Good job out of you, look-ha-hook at Mike, that is a good job out of the big guy, the same tailor huh? Now I don't see the moon on the same dark theme in the clothing mix as you, right or wrong would you say?

Dog, Dog, Dog, we all know that there is no dark side of the moon really. As a matter of fact, in Saratoga a few years back, and a little birdie told me that as a matter of fact its all dark, the only thing, the only thing, the only thing that makes it look light is the sun.

So its all dark from the standpoint the dark side is dark and the light side is right...

I don't get into the science of the thing, when I did surf, I was into the tides, but now I'm not involved, not involved, not involved at all. I do know that the moon is like a big reflecta for the sun

Mikey, lets face it, the moon stinks, you waste fifty billion dollars puttin a guy up there, and don't get me wrong, exciting at the time, got a little golf in the mix up there, the moon had some juice, but today its really a big waste a time, do you get as involved as you once did with the moon and the whole bit? Give me Orion and your asterioids and I'm all set, but from the historical mindset, the moon, and correct me if I'm wrong Eddie, you can get me the book on this, but the moon just never felt like it had that planet karma going, Mike, right or wrong? Nice little satalite, but people wanna tell you left and right, oh the moon is being eclipsed by the sun again, get all wrapped up, find it in the sky, the whole bit, the

The sun is eclipsed by the moon, the sun is eclipised by the moon, the moon elclipses the sun. This ideer that moon is eclipised by the sun is utterly ridiculous.

[A Couple Quickies]

Originally Posted by Sports Pope

Holy shit, I found it. ACQ classic here...

Wow, where was this!!!!

[Sports Pope]

Originally Posted by A Couple Quickies

Wow, where was this!!!!

From the old board. Just did a quick google search for "Mike Francesa" and "ether rag." Bink bink boom. I don't know why I didn't do that sooner. Gotta use my noogin.

[A Couple Quickies]

Originally Posted by Sports Pope

More classic ACQ. The Lunar eclipse scenario...

Jeeze, simplah days befaw smileys! Talk about a blast from the past, this is great to read for me, because I feel like they've been apart so long I lost a little of their dialogue flow

[Sports Pope]

Originally Posted by A Couple Quickies

Jeeze, simplah days befaw smileys! Talk about a blast from the past, this is great to read for me, because I feel like they've been apart so long I lost a little of their dialogue flow

We should try to find more of these gems. These were the only two I could think of off the top of my head.

[It's Da Bread]

Originally Posted by The Bear

RIP Francesser

so random

[A Couple Quickies]

And now, da complete Sager,

MIKE FRANCESA'S DAY AWF

Mike Francesser's Day Awf

Mike, honey, you'll be late for work, Julio is downstairs waiting
Roe, I just can't make it today, I godda thing, or sumfin
Oh no my poor handsome man. I will call your little friend Mark at work and tell him his big handsome man won't come in. I just hate leaving you home alone, but I have to go to Jack and Emily's school.
Its ok, I'm gawna rest
Roe exits
Dis is my 53rd day awf this yiah, if I'm gonna do anothah one Im gonna have to barf up a lung which is uttahly ridiculous so I have to make this one cownt.
Dere are three keys to fakin awt da Roe
1. Release tremendous amounts of gas
2. Don't combuh yaw hair
3. Lick ya palms
Some people will tell ya to fake chest pains, but ya do that anjah liable to end up in a doctahs office. I like Cold and Clammy handz but Roe doesn't notice the difference since mine ah always cold and clammy

PT. 2

Int. Manhasset 3500 sq ft compound
Mike dials Dog, goes to voicemail
Dog, Its Mike Pick up. I, ugh, got an ideer and I needyah help
It'll be a scenario where he keeps calling, and keeps calling, and the whole bit
*doorbell*
Dog, Dog, open up
Tough spot
Dog I know yer in dere
Dog opens up the door.
Wellllllll, fancy seeing you here in this spot
Dog Dog, Dog, come on weah going awt
Mikey, I mean, I don't see you in a 9 million years, you materialize of the thin blue sky, and you expect me to be off and running in decent shape?
: Dog, we are goin to Delaware to place some sports bets
Let me get my coat, WHOOO, we're flying now!
:Great, we just need the keys to Tony's cah
I knew it, I knew it, I mean, come on Mikey, would you please, you come to me in this spot, want to take Tony's old car, the whole bit, and you only CARE about the stupid car because Mickey Mantle walked by it once, I mean, would you please???
Dog Dog Dog, does the fact da Mick walked by Tony's cah mean something? Yes, but we need da leg room to go to Dovah Downs
That car is Tony's world and his life. He knows the milage for Gods sake!
Dog, Dog Dog, Tony doesn't know if his cah is awn earth or awn Mars, I mean, its unbelievable
BWAHAHAAHA, Mike's sharp, he knows! Look, let me make a few calls, I have a Tennis spot I need to shift, Steve Torre is lost, and away we go!

PT. III

Mike and Chris ride in the Meadowlands

Dog, this is the life, but I'm starvin already
Meadowlands, tough spot. We can hit the Vince Lombardi Rest Stop
(at the same time)
The Lombardi book is tremendous...
The Lombardi book is tremendous...
Great book
Great, Mike, my God, I mean that book comes up huge in a big spot
: I mean, look nice book, but lets not go crazy.
The big guy is feisty because he hasn't eaten.
I didnt eat since breakfast but I know where we can go
Int. Manny's Restaurant
Sir, I'm afraid without a reservation I can't seat you and your party
Lets get going big guy
Can't seat me, I have a resuhvation, I have a standing resuhvation hiyah, let me speak to da managah
Yes, lets, I'll be right back
Mikey Mikey, would ya please, I mean, you're going to get us arrested, locked up with elements and we'll be busted

grabs the reservation book and scans it quickly

I know what I'm doing
Look, my manager is unavailable but I don't have time for this, why don't you take the kids back to the Connecitcut School of Broadcasting?
You're gonna send Bill Parcells back to da Connecicut School of whateveah?
YOU'RE Bill Parcells?
Yes I am
Keep this up and I'll call the police
Thats a great ideer I'll call the Ramapo NJ Police myself

Maitre D grabs phone across Manny's Mike transfers phone to dog

I'm looking for Bill Parcells
I see, could you possibly describe him
Grey hair, man boobs, fupa scenario, the whole bit

cut to Mike and Dog seated

I'm so sorry about the mix up Mister Parcells, i appreciate your patience
Its patience that allows people like us to tolerate people like you, back aftah this...
Uhhh, we're just standing in a restaurant.


PT. IV


In Blue Heaven
Something is not right here, I don't think for a moment that Francesa is sick.
Oh, well, someone should tell Malusius, he's organizing a vigil in the news room. And the guys at TMF.com are taking up a collection, LT56, Ottis, Ooms, Indere, Umberto's Clam House, they all think he's a righteous dude
I don't trust him any farther than I can throw him
well Cherny, my sources tell me that no one can throw Mike! Enough of that, lets watch the race, my father is running.
I didn't know your father is a jockey
He's not?

Meanwhile at Dover Downs
And down the stretch they come, its Salvo, its Missive, its Salvo, its Missive and its Salvo by a nose!
Mikey, Salvo to win! Oh baby!
Da jockey settled Dog, and first turn, bink, quatah pole bink, and stretch boom, boom boom boom, and away we go

Dog jumps up and down next to Mike.

Day off huh!

Mike and Dog walk through the Dovah Downs
Mike, I've killed you a million times, and look, we've had our ups and down, ok, everyone knows that. But I have to give you credit, you're my hero, you can do anything
Thank you Dog
A casino lounge act struggles through their song.
Boys, How Ya Doin in da key of Bernie

Mike sings and da casinor goes wild
He can do anything

PT. V

Mike and Chris drive up the turnpike

Gee whiz Mike I have to get home in decent shape here or Jeannie will kill me.
did you call Steve Torre?
Thats a bad job out of me. Let me call him now
Dog dials, Mister Torre Answers
Wait, what, Stevie, I wasn't in today, what do you mean Dino filled in? You didn't know I wasn't there? The Callers didn't know I wasn't there? Does anyone know I'm not there? Does anyone listen to this frickin station
Dog hangs up
No one even noticed I wasn't there. I mean, why am I bustin my frickin hump at this go nowhere dump of a satalite company. Mikey, I mean, my god, half the time I'm trying to scrape up a phonecall about Conference USA hoops or the San Diego Padres for crying out loud. I am not about to talk Columbus Blue Jacket Hockey for cryin out loud!
Dog, I'm sure they..
Mad Dog kicks his Sirius radio
Who do you love? Huh? You love Dino
Dog keeps kicking the radio
Who do you love, you love Stern? You love Oprah Frickin Radio? You love Out Cue?
Sirius radio cracks under his kicks
Who do you love, YOU LOVE STEVE TORRE'S SUNDAY DRIVE
And the radio finally gives, and falls and busts beyond repair.

Ha, well, there's no hiding that. Steve Torre will know, Mel Karmazin will know
Dog I'll take the heat
No, pipe down, pipe down. Now hold on here, if I can listen in a big spot, then I can take some responsiblity in a big spot.
Then in that case, I have to get home befoah Roe

Mike tears across the LIE to Shelter Rock Road, wheels up and screeching. Cherny waits at exit which is blocked up with traffic.
Gotcha, Les jeux sont faits, translation, the gig is up, your ass is mine
bails on the car leaving Cherny behind.
Mike reaches a backyard fence and tries to hop it and can't get one leg up. He retreats and Mike a head of steam and just runs through 8 back yard fences Kool Aid man style. He sneaks in his back doah, up the stairs and into bed

Cherny reaches Mike's door as Roe is arriving.
Mrs. Francessa, your husband has been playing hooky
What are you talkin about Mike's upstairs
Mike opens the door in a bathrobe.
: Roe I'm so glad yer home, do you have the riceballs? And hey Cherny, what da heck are you doin here
but I, I just did..
I guess you were mistaken, let me go fix you a little something
Life moves pretty fast, so the best thing you can do is sit down and tawk about it for five howahs a day

FIN

[Bad in a Big Spot]

Originally Posted by Sports Pope

We should try to find more of these gems. These were the only two I could think of off the top of my head.

what was the Japan score? With Gator...

Golden Wok, you order?


MF-Yeah, ummmmmm, let me get a WonTon soup, easily one of the best soups to come out of China that you're ever going to see. You can look long and hard before you're ever going to find a soup as good as WonTon soup.

OK, WonTon soup, is that it?


MF-(Laughs) Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah. 72 Bejing Olympics? I was there. In a good seat too. This idea that I'm only going to order soup is patently ridicluous. Let me get an order of Spare Ribs. Large. That's for me. Got it? Large ribs.

OK large spare ribs. Anything else?.......Hello?...Anyone there?

MF-Yeah, I just left the room for a sec but I'm back. (sips diet coke) Do you have that birds nest thing? I forget what it's called. I don't eat a lot of Chinese

Yes sir, Birds nest chicken

MF-I'll have that. John Barrymore used to love that, you know. Easily one of the best actors you're ever going to see, and a big Yankees fan. Legendary. A legendary actor. Do you want to go over his movies with me and I'll tell you if I've seen them?

Sir we're very busy.


MF-Wait, you think China can beat Taiwan in the Ping Pong playoffs? Did you even watch China last year?

Well, China just beat Taiwan 3 weeks ago in Taiwan

MF-Don't give me regular season. Taiwan is a completely different team in the playoffs. Their coach is legendary for his adjustments, and I'll let you in on some inside stuff because the coach for China has the same agent as Nance. He's probably going to bolt for Team Manchuria after the season

Well, I think China can win


MF-Geez, these Chinese fans! China is only there because they didn't play the pacific rim much, and when they did they got creamed. What was the Japan score? What was the Japan score?

Well I think they are coming together as....

MF-WHAT WAS THE JAPAN SCORE!

6-5

MF - That's right 6-5. Geez, these Chinese fans!


Well I just thought.......


MF-All right, then. Waves hands. Cancel my order entirely. I want Italian anyway (laughs) Ah-ah-ah-ah, (sips coke) (Waves hands) (leaves room)

[Oh the Pain]

This isn't from ACQ but it's from a poster called Hard Marker for HOF'er on the old board when the Pope came to visit Yankee Stadium in 2008. I remember it made me laugh.

Chris: From a religious standpoint, Mike, I can’t get all wrapped up in the whole Pope at Yankee Stadium scenario. It’s typical Yankees. These popes all have that holier than thou attitude. It’s a little tough to take.

Mike: Well, they definitely had the carving board out this weekend at the stadium, which I understand. I was talking to Cardinal Egan at a party just this week and he said that the Pope is like a folk hero to many Catholics. He’s like their Mickey Mantle.

Chris: And you know Mike, why were all of the religious leaders wearing different uniforms. I mean, I saw guys in white robes, yellow, purple, black, red hats, white hats. I mean it was like an all star game out there with all of the different attire.

Mike: I never watch all star games and I am never in favor of bastardizing the uniforms, but that’s just the way it is now. They may have to wear those outfits though. Maybe we can check that though. Eddie, bring me in the Bible . . . .

Chris: I found it interesting, Mike, that the Pope could not use a DH for the sermon, I mean, being that they were in an American League park. And do you think the Yankees will now retire his number 16.

Mike: You could argue that I guess, but I thought it was a great mass, not a good mass, a great mass. And notice the way the Pope respected Mariano by not coming out to Enter Sandman. When the Pope wins 4 World Series titles, then he can come out to Enter Sandman

Chris: I wonder if those annoying fans in the bleachers did that “role call’ thing for the pope and the cardinals at the start of the mass. And where was that dopey Challenger the Eagle flying in at the start. No singing of God Bless America, nothing, it was very strange.

Mike: And one other thing, Dog, and some will disagree with me here, but I do not have to see the Pope waving his arms in the air after every blessing, that’s not the Yankee way. You never saw Pope Pius or Pope Paul do that. C’mon now. Knock it off.

Chris: Let’s look at the Pope’s travel schedule for a minute here. Italy six days ago, Washington late in the week, New York today, then back to the Vatican late this evening. That’s a brutal schedule there, Mike.

Mike: Dog, I know that it’s April and the weather in New York was nice, up against NBA, multiple networks, this mass will still do a 12.5 in New York and a 17 nationally.

Chris: The start time for these masses is horrible too Mike, you know that, although, I think we were both happy that the mass went over 43 ½ minutes, if you know what I mean. Say something funny, Mike.

Mike: We did have the over on that. We have a caller now, and let’s give the caller a surprise. Caller, welcome the Marquis!!!!

Marquis: Caller, what kind of fan are you?

Caller # 1: Catholic.

Marquis: OK, here we go. There have been 2 popes named John Paul. Name me one of them.

Caller # 1: You’re killing me here Marquis, uhhhhhh . . . . . I’ll say . . . . Brett Favre.

[johninga]

Those were some classics.

ACQ, great job as always

[Stawting Pitchah]

Originally Posted by A Couple Quickies

Jeeze, simplah days befaw smileys! Talk about a blast from the past, this is great to read for me, because I feel like they've been apart so long I lost a little of their dialogue flow

This is SPOT ON:

Mikey, lets face it, the moon stinks, you waste fifty billion dollars puttin a guy up there, and don't get me wrong, exciting at the time, got a little golf in the mix up there, the moon had some juice, but today its really a big waste a time,

[A Couple Quickies]

Originally Posted by Bad in a Big Spot

what was the Japan score? With Gator...

LOL this is great!

[A Couple Quickies]

Originally Posted by Oh the Pain

This isn't from ACQ but it's from a poster called Hard Marker for HOF'er on the old board when the Pope came to visit Yankee Stadium in 2008. I remember it made me laugh.

Gee whiz that is fucking GENIUS! Is hard markah still around?

[It's Da Bread]

roddywhiteTV Roddy White



Hate the fact that Hector has to die but Achilles is a monster

[Oh the Pain]

Originally Posted by A Couple Quickies

Gee whiz that is fucking GENIUS! Is hard markah still around?

I think he was just briefly on the old board. I went to the old board to get this and it said he had only 180 posts (says the guy with only 500 posts in 3 years lol) but with that board ya nevah know.

[Fiddle Elphier]

When the Pope wins 4 World Series titles, then he can come out to Enter Sandman